ruchigup
02-09 03:26 PM
Life is about compromise and you are right it is hurtful to the future of baby who don't realize what is going on. Baby really need both Mom and Dad, pls try to explain this to your wife.
About cutting off with parents, she can chose not to talk to your parents and/or you can chose not to talk to her parents if things are not right. But forcing to breakup with own parents is utterly wrong and unacceptable. You can try to explain this to your wife.
This is your side of story "She started harassing them too by saying something or other. " and you must remember there is something called postpartum depression which Indian parents in-laws don't understand when they come for their daughter-in-laws delivery. I have heard few other cases when things went really bad after delivery.
Try to explain her that she and child are your first priority. I am sure you have tried to do this many times, try few times more. If talking results in a fight, try sending a long thoughtful email (make sure any of it can't be used against you if things still don't get better, probably you can use it in your favor if needed about the efforts you put in to improve). Before even thinking about divorce try to give life a 2nd chance and may be 3rd chance.
I must say that it is hard to believe that in this whole thing you/your parents didn't do anything wrong and one fine day your wife went nuts. Try to analyze yourself too.
These things are very depressing and sad and only the one who goes through it understands. Easier to give advice.
Hi,
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
About cutting off with parents, she can chose not to talk to your parents and/or you can chose not to talk to her parents if things are not right. But forcing to breakup with own parents is utterly wrong and unacceptable. You can try to explain this to your wife.
This is your side of story "She started harassing them too by saying something or other. " and you must remember there is something called postpartum depression which Indian parents in-laws don't understand when they come for their daughter-in-laws delivery. I have heard few other cases when things went really bad after delivery.
Try to explain her that she and child are your first priority. I am sure you have tried to do this many times, try few times more. If talking results in a fight, try sending a long thoughtful email (make sure any of it can't be used against you if things still don't get better, probably you can use it in your favor if needed about the efforts you put in to improve). Before even thinking about divorce try to give life a 2nd chance and may be 3rd chance.
I must say that it is hard to believe that in this whole thing you/your parents didn't do anything wrong and one fine day your wife went nuts. Try to analyze yourself too.
These things are very depressing and sad and only the one who goes through it understands. Easier to give advice.
Hi,
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
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unseenguy
02-09 05:01 PM
To summarize the root causes now that we discussed:
1. Parental interference to control their own child even after marriage. This is cause no 1 of this kind of tensions.
2. Immaturity on the part of children, to let their parents control their feelings. (This is partly due to in arranged marriages, children are closer to parents than the spouse in initial years). This is no 2 issue. Children simply fail to understand they are no more part of their parents family. I honestly feel these people are not really ready for marriage or understand what marriage is.
3. Money transactions. One side expecting money from other side which is not really acceptable. I will elaborate this point a bit more.
4. In cases of couples settled in US/UK, parents know that couples are making a LOT more than by Indian standards. Hence to secure their own old age comfort, everyone tries to exert influence.
On no 3, let us separate our "legal" obligations from "moral".
Morally it is right to send money to parents, but legally it is not. As you can strive but, you wont be fair to either set of parents. Hence I believe "money" should not be sent to parents. Your parents should have planned their own future, including humanitarian needs. Only if your other half agrees, then only you should send money. Otherwise, it is your and your spouse's money.
If your parents needed monetary support then that they should have made clear to other parents at the time of marriage. Not after marriage. If its a love marriage, then the boy/girl should have clearly told this requirement to the other half.
1. Parental interference to control their own child even after marriage. This is cause no 1 of this kind of tensions.
2. Immaturity on the part of children, to let their parents control their feelings. (This is partly due to in arranged marriages, children are closer to parents than the spouse in initial years). This is no 2 issue. Children simply fail to understand they are no more part of their parents family. I honestly feel these people are not really ready for marriage or understand what marriage is.
3. Money transactions. One side expecting money from other side which is not really acceptable. I will elaborate this point a bit more.
4. In cases of couples settled in US/UK, parents know that couples are making a LOT more than by Indian standards. Hence to secure their own old age comfort, everyone tries to exert influence.
On no 3, let us separate our "legal" obligations from "moral".
Morally it is right to send money to parents, but legally it is not. As you can strive but, you wont be fair to either set of parents. Hence I believe "money" should not be sent to parents. Your parents should have planned their own future, including humanitarian needs. Only if your other half agrees, then only you should send money. Otherwise, it is your and your spouse's money.
If your parents needed monetary support then that they should have made clear to other parents at the time of marriage. Not after marriage. If its a love marriage, then the boy/girl should have clearly told this requirement to the other half.
baburob2
03-09 11:19 AM
both amendments J-1 and removal cap for Nurses (India) will pass
hi indio
which cap on Nurse are they talking about. Is it the EB cap or H1B cap?
hi indio
which cap on Nurse are they talking about. Is it the EB cap or H1B cap?
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gc_kaavaali
06-24 12:18 PM
I have been living in US for 5 years. I came on H1B and applied for labor in NJ in 2003. Spent $1000 for labor. Later i had to change employers because of employer problems. Then i applied my labor with new employer in 2005 march. i worked with this guy around 4 years. Applied 485 in july. I took permanent position on EAD. Here are the problems if they don't give me GC:
1) Problem is i am stuck at Senior Software Engineer. I cannot take lead position because of pending 485 application. So that means person who doesn't know anything about our application will lead us. From organization point of view that person is waste. It is really waste of money. See how many people are in this situation and see how much money this country is losing.
2) Because of excess use of human resources in particular organization It also leads scarcity of human resources.
3) My company will pay for my EAD and AP cost. It is waste of money.
4) I may not want to go to India because i may scared if USCIS send any details when i am in india. That means i don't use my vacation. I will try to get money instead of vacation. This is also loss for an organization. Not much spending on tourism.
5) Suppose if i am on H1B, my employer has to bear cost. It is waste of money. I know for USCIS it might revenue but they also incur additional cost to adjudicate my H1B petition.
No doubt being in america i have better life. But US also gaining so much out of us.
1) Problem is i am stuck at Senior Software Engineer. I cannot take lead position because of pending 485 application. So that means person who doesn't know anything about our application will lead us. From organization point of view that person is waste. It is really waste of money. See how many people are in this situation and see how much money this country is losing.
2) Because of excess use of human resources in particular organization It also leads scarcity of human resources.
3) My company will pay for my EAD and AP cost. It is waste of money.
4) I may not want to go to India because i may scared if USCIS send any details when i am in india. That means i don't use my vacation. I will try to get money instead of vacation. This is also loss for an organization. Not much spending on tourism.
5) Suppose if i am on H1B, my employer has to bear cost. It is waste of money. I know for USCIS it might revenue but they also incur additional cost to adjudicate my H1B petition.
No doubt being in america i have better life. But US also gaining so much out of us.
more...
eeezzz
07-11 12:24 PM
07 case is different. we can't infer much from that. I hope DOS has some insight into the no of pending cases when the move dates like this. I am sure there will be language in the actual bulletin that saves them from flak when the move dates back. The primary aim is to utilize the visa nos. But with all the information available to them the movement should be proportional to the nos available from spillover and etc.,
I don't see what is really different. I am not talking about July 2007. I am talking about May or June bulletin 2007. Do you mean the bulletin on May or June 2007 is to utilize the visa so the dates are not the "real" date? Then how do you know Aug. 2008 move is not for the same purpose? Especially if this movement is caused by spillover.
I don't see what is really different. I am not talking about July 2007. I am talking about May or June bulletin 2007. Do you mean the bulletin on May or June 2007 is to utilize the visa so the dates are not the "real" date? Then how do you know Aug. 2008 move is not for the same purpose? Especially if this movement is caused by spillover.
jonty_11
07-06 10:30 AM
From Oh law Firm - sorry if repeated - its the same news as this thread...Oh spin on it.
================================================== =====
07/07/2007: USCIS Reportedly Admitted Some I-485 Approvals at Last Minutes Without Completion of FBI Security Clearance
* New York Times, http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/06/us/06visa.html?hp, has reported:
"To complete the applications in time, the immigration agency put employees to work both days last weekend at service centers in Texas and Nebraska, immigration officials said. They said that 25,000 applications were processed in the final 48 hours before Monday’s deadline. In some cases, security clearances required by the F.B.I. were not entirely completed, immigration officials said. The agency approved some applications “when we were certain the process will be completed very shortly,” Mr. Aytes said."
* The report also indicates that the State Department and the USCIS tend to disagree with each other for the root of the problem for the current fiasco. Earlier there was a report in the Washington Post that the USCIS denied that the USCIS worked ceaselessly and frantically during the weekends (two days) before July 1, but it has been admitted since then the employees indeed worked hard during the two days. According to the NY Times report, during the weekend alone, they approved 25,000 I-485 backlog applications.
* We are afraid that the alleged admission of approval of I-485 application before completion of the security clearance is likely to face the legal challenge for violation of the rules which is likely one of the main claims of the AILF lawsuit as well as the political backfire as an issue of security lapse relating to the homeland security. It appears that the July visa bullen fiasco is going out of control and pushes the two agencies into an edge.
================================================== =====
07/07/2007: USCIS Reportedly Admitted Some I-485 Approvals at Last Minutes Without Completion of FBI Security Clearance
* New York Times, http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/06/us/06visa.html?hp, has reported:
"To complete the applications in time, the immigration agency put employees to work both days last weekend at service centers in Texas and Nebraska, immigration officials said. They said that 25,000 applications were processed in the final 48 hours before Monday’s deadline. In some cases, security clearances required by the F.B.I. were not entirely completed, immigration officials said. The agency approved some applications “when we were certain the process will be completed very shortly,” Mr. Aytes said."
* The report also indicates that the State Department and the USCIS tend to disagree with each other for the root of the problem for the current fiasco. Earlier there was a report in the Washington Post that the USCIS denied that the USCIS worked ceaselessly and frantically during the weekends (two days) before July 1, but it has been admitted since then the employees indeed worked hard during the two days. According to the NY Times report, during the weekend alone, they approved 25,000 I-485 backlog applications.
* We are afraid that the alleged admission of approval of I-485 application before completion of the security clearance is likely to face the legal challenge for violation of the rules which is likely one of the main claims of the AILF lawsuit as well as the political backfire as an issue of security lapse relating to the homeland security. It appears that the July visa bullen fiasco is going out of control and pushes the two agencies into an edge.
more...
somegchuh
01-03 04:11 PM
I think you bring up very valid points. For a lot of ppl who have stayed away from family/extended family for so long, they may not like the constant interference.
"I miss my parents" is not quantifiable but what about the paying back the debt by supporting your aging parents? Let me make the question a little broader, isn't every immigrant divided between doing what's best for the children and supporting the parents?
for some it is money, for others it is about taking care of parents etc.
for me it is all about where I would like to live, grow and bring up my child. to me the answer is very clear. while this country is not perfect, no country on this planet is. if a human makes an objective list based on quantifiable pros and cons, the decision is very easy to make.
as for stuff like "I miss my parents" that is not quantifiable and should never figure in the discussion. what is the guarantee that you can return to your home country and live in the same city as you parents do? what happens if your kids don't want the grandparents to interfere in their lives? what happens if you cannot take constant interference from friends and extended family?
my reasons may come across as cold and calculating. however, it is an inhospitable world we live in and it is up to us to provide the best possible cocoon for our immediate family and that is exactly what I intend to do.
"I miss my parents" is not quantifiable but what about the paying back the debt by supporting your aging parents? Let me make the question a little broader, isn't every immigrant divided between doing what's best for the children and supporting the parents?
for some it is money, for others it is about taking care of parents etc.
for me it is all about where I would like to live, grow and bring up my child. to me the answer is very clear. while this country is not perfect, no country on this planet is. if a human makes an objective list based on quantifiable pros and cons, the decision is very easy to make.
as for stuff like "I miss my parents" that is not quantifiable and should never figure in the discussion. what is the guarantee that you can return to your home country and live in the same city as you parents do? what happens if your kids don't want the grandparents to interfere in their lives? what happens if you cannot take constant interference from friends and extended family?
my reasons may come across as cold and calculating. however, it is an inhospitable world we live in and it is up to us to provide the best possible cocoon for our immediate family and that is exactly what I intend to do.
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JunRN
08-19 07:47 PM
Unfortunately, there isn't a fast lane for nurses. If your PD is April 31, 2007, my advise to you is to monitor the monthly Visa Bulletin and once your PD becomes current, you will know that it is just a few months ahead. For now, with the current turn of events, without the fast lane for nurses, you are looking at two years of waiting.
more...
Leo07
05-06 12:28 PM
I appreciate your comments! I was contemplating what's more effective. I think I agree with you now.:)
We have sent letters in the past only to get a standard CANNED answer. It is my opinion that the letters we send do not have any impact, cos as soon as they see "Immigration" as the subject, they (staff) sends the standard letter they have definining the position back.
I do not mean to discourage you, but the need of the hour is to call all the senators. There are 100 of them.
If you were going to do something in addition to the phone calls, Please set up an appointment w/the senator or staff and do a 20 minute Powerpoint presentation. That is more effective.
We have sent letters in the past only to get a standard CANNED answer. It is my opinion that the letters we send do not have any impact, cos as soon as they see "Immigration" as the subject, they (staff) sends the standard letter they have definining the position back.
I do not mean to discourage you, but the need of the hour is to call all the senators. There are 100 of them.
If you were going to do something in addition to the phone calls, Please set up an appointment w/the senator or staff and do a 20 minute Powerpoint presentation. That is more effective.
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immi_seeker
09-28 10:10 PM
This is very bad . considering the fact that people have been put in to this endless wait of retrogression. FY2006 they wasted 11k visas and the whole year dates were retrogressed for most of the countries
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ssprof
09-10 05:10 PM
Contributed $100
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srimani1
10-05 11:04 AM
Applied GC in 2002 July in EB3 category. Still waiting for PD to apply 485. Missed 2007 Aug fiasco. Recemtly got my 11,12 and 13th year H1B extension.
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Macaca
09-15 10:18 AM
Caught in a bureaucratic black hole Applicants seeking U.S. citizenship languish for years as the FBI conducts cumbersome records checks (http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showpost.php?p=162416&postcount=1062) Lawsuits are a result By Anna Gorman (anna.gorman@latimes.com) | Los Angeles Times Staff Writer, September 10, 2007
A Solution Seen to �Brain Drain� (http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showpost.php?p=154885&postcount=995) By STEVE LOHR (slohr@nytimes.com) | New York Times, August 27, 2007
"Reverse brain drain" threatens U.S. competitiveness, study says (http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showpost.php?p=151661&postcount=960) By RACHEL KONRAD (rkonrad@ap.org) | AP Business Writer, 08/21/2007
Land of the Less-Free (http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/web/la-oew-welch21aug21,1,291082.story) New passport and child-support laws are making the country less free for law abiding citizens By Matt Welch (matt.welch@latimes.com) | LA Times, August 21, 2007
Immigration Activists March in L.A. (http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/I/IMMIGRATION_ACTIVIST?SITE=PASTR&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT) By CHRISTOPHER WEBER (cweber@ap.org) | Associated Press Writer, Aug 25 2007
Lofgren battles steep rise in fees immigrants pay (http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showpost.php?p=137273&postcount=869) By Tyche Hendricks (thendricks@sfchronicle.com), Chronicle Staff Writer, August 1, 2007
Immigrant rights protesters rally at Capitol (http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showpost.php?p=75396&postcount=38) By Molly Hennessy-Fiske (molly.hennessy-fiske@latimes.com), Times Staff Writer, June 2, 2007
Tech industry to keep pressing visa needs IMMIGRATION REFORM'S COLLAPSE GETS FIRMS LOOKING ABROAD (http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showpost.php?p=104996&postcount=664) By Frank Davies (fdavies@mercurynews.com or (202) 662-8921), MediaNews Washington Bureau, 07/09/2007
Microsoft moves north Unable to meet its hiring needs because of U.S. immigration policy, the software company is opening an office in Vancouver (http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showpost.php?p=105200&postcount=666) LA Times Editorial (letters@latimes.com), July 10, 2007
A Solution Seen to �Brain Drain� (http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showpost.php?p=154885&postcount=995) By STEVE LOHR (slohr@nytimes.com) | New York Times, August 27, 2007
"Reverse brain drain" threatens U.S. competitiveness, study says (http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showpost.php?p=151661&postcount=960) By RACHEL KONRAD (rkonrad@ap.org) | AP Business Writer, 08/21/2007
Land of the Less-Free (http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/web/la-oew-welch21aug21,1,291082.story) New passport and child-support laws are making the country less free for law abiding citizens By Matt Welch (matt.welch@latimes.com) | LA Times, August 21, 2007
Immigration Activists March in L.A. (http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/I/IMMIGRATION_ACTIVIST?SITE=PASTR&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT) By CHRISTOPHER WEBER (cweber@ap.org) | Associated Press Writer, Aug 25 2007
Lofgren battles steep rise in fees immigrants pay (http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showpost.php?p=137273&postcount=869) By Tyche Hendricks (thendricks@sfchronicle.com), Chronicle Staff Writer, August 1, 2007
Immigrant rights protesters rally at Capitol (http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showpost.php?p=75396&postcount=38) By Molly Hennessy-Fiske (molly.hennessy-fiske@latimes.com), Times Staff Writer, June 2, 2007
Tech industry to keep pressing visa needs IMMIGRATION REFORM'S COLLAPSE GETS FIRMS LOOKING ABROAD (http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showpost.php?p=104996&postcount=664) By Frank Davies (fdavies@mercurynews.com or (202) 662-8921), MediaNews Washington Bureau, 07/09/2007
Microsoft moves north Unable to meet its hiring needs because of U.S. immigration policy, the software company is opening an office in Vancouver (http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showpost.php?p=105200&postcount=666) LA Times Editorial (letters@latimes.com), July 10, 2007
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badluck
07-06 12:59 PM
My lawyer told me that they are working on something to accept all applications which reached on july ... lets hope he is right.
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vaccine
09-11 09:13 AM
Count me in for $ 100 and I am coming to rally as well. See you all in DC
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kshitijnt
05-09 04:44 AM
People who are on H4 ITIN couples, should seriously consider discrimination based litigation. I am fully sympathetic to their situation. Not long ago I was in the same boat. Make it harder for the government to make dimes on your money. They wont make it harder for you then.
more...
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santb1975
06-19 01:10 PM
With the economy turning out the way it is I wonder when we will get our next opportunity to bring our issues to Lawmakers notice and ask them to work on our issues. We need to speak up now and we need $$ to fund our organization. I was talking to my mentor syesterday and he is on the board of directors of an organization. He was mentioning to me that if people are losing Jobs, not able to pay their mortgages and struggling to pay for gas and food all other issues will be put on the back burner and the focus on immigration related issues might go down. I am still trying to sink that into my head
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NJtx2000
12-19 12:13 AM
My wife�s visa and I-94 are on maiden name. I recently updated her passport to reflect married name. When I applied for her driver�s license, the DMV officer told me that they need to verify the name change with immigration. How do I inform immigration of the name change? What should I do to convince the DMV about her name change?
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drona
07-12 05:47 PM
Los Angeles
ItIsNotFunny
12-17 03:24 PM
I think most of the members in this forum updated their data, at least from EB3 India I am sure. If you guys can pull data according to PD from administration console, you should be able get some valuable data to show. I wondered why this has not been done so far??? million dollar question???
Do we have any data available from FOIA request? Anyone?
Do we have any data available from FOIA request? Anyone?
lonedesi
08-08 08:22 AM
People who have been waiting for I-140 approvals from TSC & NSC and those filed during Jun-Aug 07, please join this campaign to make it effective. Unless people who are suffering, actively participate in this campaign, we will not be able to achieve anything. Its still not too late...get those letters (modify to your personal situation) and get those DHS Form 7001 completed and mail them out soon. We need to act now, instead of just expressing our frustration on the forums...fight for yourself, no one will do it for you. If not, USCIS with the idiotic rules, will our petitions still pending even one year from today...for some or other reason.
My sincere thanks to members who have already mailed the documents. Please leave a comment on this thread, so that we have an idea about how many people actually took the time to send it out.
My sincere thanks to members who have already mailed the documents. Please leave a comment on this thread, so that we have an idea about how many people actually took the time to send it out.
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